And what did you make of Toby? Particularly his sexuality. He had been abused as a child (by someone who was not openly gay but was masquerading as a "normal" married heterosexual). He learned that sex was a valuable commodity, that he could make money at it and survive. In the end, he is making a living as a gay porn star. And yet, the only time we see him being sexually affectionate for no monetary gain is with the teenaged girl at the truck stop — and when he very touchingly offers to marry Bree, a woman, and accept her for who she is, before he learns of the blood relation. Are we supposed to think of him as straight, gay, bisexual, or is the point that it's all fluid and it doesn't matter in the slightest as long as he feels sexually free and content? Are the filmmakers making a point about labels?
And, on a related note, what did you think of Bree's response to the transsexual party? She was put off by their openness, by their unwillingness or inability to quietly "pass" for the opposite gender. I think this was a really important scene. Being in their midst made her feel freakish, like she wasn't entirely comfortable with the whole enterprise after all. Toby's unflinching acceptance of them made a telling commentary perhaps on Bree's worldview not being as expansive as she thinks it is. I think it's common in the gay world, too, where people who feel like they are straight looking and acting — people who need to "pass" — are dismayed by flamboyant behavior in men and "butch" behavior in women. Paul Monette, in his fantastic book "Becoming a Man," writes very eloquently of how he had that exact same feeling and that as he matured and became more comfortable and confident in his own skin he started becoming unconditionally accepting of others: femme, fey, butch, queen, bear, "straight-acting," etc. ad infinitum. It just had no relevance anymore. Just let people be.
4 comments:
I didn't pick up on a "category" for Toby. I didn't think of him as any of the standard labels. Most of the time, he's just using sex as a tool, like you say. And because of his history with his step-father, men are familiar and he understands how he can get something from them.
It was so touching when he approached Bree in her bedroom and said he wanted to make her feel good and "you'll like it, I promise." Like he really didn't know any other way to relate to someone or show appreciation for someone.
The transsexual party was interesting. Bree obviously felt a lot of shame about her own gender identity, and she had also sheltered herself completely, not only from the "normal" outside world, but also from other people in the same boat who might have offered support and friendship. Her whole world was about hiding, and I think it was shocking to her to see people being so open.
I thought Toby was straight. I think the scene with the girl was supposed to show that. He had probably learned from his step-father at an early age to devalue sex, which led him to prostitution and eventually porn even though he didn't enjoy sex with men. He had trouble maintaining an erection when shooting gay porn.
With little or no drugs, sex became his only commodity, so he gave it to the truck driver for the money they needed and offered it to Bree when he wanted to make her feel good.
All Bree wanted was to be a woman. Hanging out with transsexuals reinforced that she was different than other women, and she couldn't imagine why anyone would want to do that. Also, since she had only one friend she could talk with about it (the therapist), she had spent years hiding it and it was a shock to hear people talking openly. And she didn't want her son to know.
And you're right that she wasn't as accepting as Toby was. Not only did she not want to be that kind of transsexual, she looked down on those who did.
Oh, I attribute the performance problem to having worked all day, shooting and reshooting scenes.
I think he could have gotten a job in straight porn if he wanted.
The first time I saw the movie, I just assumed he was gay, but then later I thought of his sexuality as being very deliberately ambiguous.
I agree that sex was clearly a tool for him, but when he offered to make love to Bree, knowing she was a man, I distinctly had the notion that it was NOT something he would be doing just for her pleasure, but for his own as well. I think he had really started to love her and value her. I mean, it's one thing to offer someone a roll in the hay, but another to offer your hand in marriage.
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